Falling
by DramaQueenGal Xoxo
Summary: We argued. We separated. How hard is it to forgive? Ross/Rachel


Falling:

_"The mouth is a liar"_

The hard slap echoed for miles to come; I followed you out to the car.

"Leave," my mouth continued to say.

"Please! Don't go!" My heart all but cried out. This was it; this was the end I had been waiting for since the moment you stepped into this mind of mine. There will be no flashy scenes where I fall apart when your arms leave me, when the glue of your presence ceases to connect. If I am to survive, I am to survive on my own.

"Fine. I'm gone." There was a slow rescinding of breath before the squeal of shoes on pavement were walking, walking further and further away. I felt every muscle in my body call out to you, screaming your name over and over again- can you hear me? Is my voice still the only thread of sanity that keeps you together? A pause. The door already closes and I'm pacing up and down the hallway.

Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? And to what point? Breathing becomes a labor and my vision's blurred. "I will not be fooled again! I will not!"

"Fooled by who?" My chest heaved dry tears as I felt dizzy. I sagged against the wall. "Why are you with him in the first place if fooling you was the case?"

"It's the chase- the myriad of those constant devotions that just end up screwing you.. I mean me.. I am my only friend in the end, right? The only one I can count on and depend on.."

"But wasn't he a God- send? Remember that lonely night when the moon hung low and the stars were bright? You saw a falling star and wished for rhapsody by name."

"It's too late," the words felt ripped from my throat as I hugged myself fierce. "He probably never wants to see me again."

"What would you do for love?"

Barefoot, I run out the door, down the cold concrete of a February's night. I refuse to cry, refuse to use the emotional me to sway your anger, to curb your hurt. I was wrong to strike at you, I was wrong to block you out. Despite all attempts, you looked inside of me and saw something worth more than physical beauty; you saw something more than just another face hiding within the crowds.

And there you stood, at the end of the driveway. My feet suddenly became stone and my mouth wouldn't obey. I closed my eyes and wished for courage.

It never came.

Instead, you turned and looked at me, the pulsing blues, greens, and grays at their most beautiful stared me down. "Are we falling apart?" Your voice was strong and solid, but a fine quiver was present.

"I- I don't think it's that. I mean.. I.." I looked down and away, unsure of what to say next.

_I'm sorry._

I looked back up at you.

_I'm sorry._

I bit and chewed on my lower lip, my mouth trembling.

_I'm sorry._

"I'm not sure if I can handle this if this is the way it's going to be-," you began. My eyes watered and I winced. It was too late and too much this time, wasn't it? I mustered up a tiny smile, but the tears still came. When I finally looked up, you were already looking away, gazing at the stars that seemed especially so far tonight.

"Remember that story you told me? Of how you'll wait for a falling star with so many hopes and wishes.. And when it finally comes, all you thought you'd wish for, you can't recall." The wind picked up and kissed your face softly, brushing along reddened cheeks and pale skin. "You never told me how that ended."

"It's not important anymore," I replied numbly. "It was silly."

"Why's that?" I shrugged, a veil of ebony concealing my eyes. What could I tell you? Other than I wished for you and exchanged the thoughts and secrets of this mind and bared my soul for one wish?

And like always, I was falling, failing again. I knew this and still could not open myself. I couldn't stand to fool myself into believing that I was going to bare my all. "I hate you! Get out of here!" I looked up to you, my voice scarring and my eyes calling. My arms fought the need to crush you against me and beg for you to stay. Instead, you held my wrists behind me and let your own mouth cut through my insecurities. I pulled and struggled against that strong grip. "The mouth is a liar."

"I know." You held me against you, my head resting against the crook of your shoulder, inhaling that the smell of a May's afternoon when I first saw you. Could you understand or begin to imagine that you were the physical embodiment of the perfect man? You may never know the rest of the story, but it ends like this:

I gave a piece of myself to gain another. I died so that I might live a little.

And in the end, I have never enjoyed falling anymore than when I fell in love with you.

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Hope You Enjoyed! Plz R&R!


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